I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Randomize
