I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
