i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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