Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I will be naked everywhere
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
