First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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