On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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