and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
