her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
