I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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