My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize