so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
