I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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