GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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