all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
