She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
