false alarm. still invincible.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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