Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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