he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
