Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
