Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
