maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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