My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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