How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
