I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
