Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
