I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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