just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
