i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
