i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
