Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
