i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
