I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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