I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
