Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
