Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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