hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
