Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
