Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
