I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
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for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
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You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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