In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
