I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
When did angry sex become our thing?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
