This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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