cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
