Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
