that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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