loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
