Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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