I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
