Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
