I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
