We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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