you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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