Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
