I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
