she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
