i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
tell me about the eggs
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