batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
