Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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