oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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