note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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