you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
