If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
