UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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