I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
