Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
