we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
