I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
