He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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