She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
